So long never update on my blog about my life. Just no idea what to write about. I still floating in my life, a lot of unsure, a lot of questions, a lot of insecure feelings in my heart. I doesn't like the feeling of floating in the sky, I prefer to stand on the land. I feel safe to feel the land with my legs. I wish can find my place in somewhere. A place that welcome my attend, believe on my ability, and provide me the space to explore more. Somehow, I still not firm with my future. Thanks to my ex-supervisor's Michelle listened to my problems and gave some advices. I really felt great to receive her msg and told me that I'm one of strong girl, she have faith with me & believe I can make it if I want to. Her compliment really means to me, after I invested a lot of my times and efforts last time just to overcome my obstacles during my internship in an multinational ads agency. Michelle was always strict to me and paid high expectation to me not just as a trainee. And I always compare myself with her and kept pushing myself which made me even stressful to myself that time. But I really felt proud to myself in a minute & worth for it. I learn more within 3 and a half months of my internship compare to 3yrs of my university life. What I had learn is not about theory but attitude and the way to deal with people and my job. You will never know how stressful to survive in a multinational ads agency. Everyone just as a robot with a durable battery. Office almost become their 2nd home. Stress is their spirit sustenance. You are never know how many sleepless nights and efforts they are putting just for few pages of advertisement, few seconds of TV and radio Commercial that read by readers within a second. I always admire them!
Anyway, this is just part of story about my internship life but what for next? Even though already decided to start my job hunting in my own country but somehow a voice in my mind keep telling me that "You should try more before really gave up. maybe u shall slow down a bit of your position and start from zero in another country. nothing is easy right? In there, you have no need to face the jam everyday and transport problem. And you can maintain your current relationship and learn be independent. In addiction, you always feel safe at there with their security. No need to worry someone rob your handbag, no need to worry someone following you in dark... " But somehow, I really a bit tired to keep traveling between 2 countries and face with the same results. Especially when all the situation is not advance to me but for their own citizen. And I dun want to rely another one in financial for my life expenses everyday. Life is reality, don't you? And I will feel disappointed to myself when heard someone already got the offer with AE post in Malaysia. Even them also can made it, why I couldn't? "Sure you can my dear, you just need back to your own county, then you can!" my minds telling again... for your failure, you can find thousand of excuses, but for success only one, work harder! I get myself too much of excuses for my failure. why not just admit, I just not good enough! become ostrich again..back to my safe place. Coward!
Yes, my mind is floating like this way! I have to make up one mind! at least.... but how?? Messy now in my mind... can't sleep well... keep thinking... like hell!
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