My Floating Mind

So long never update on my blog about my life. Just no idea what to write about. I still floating in my life, a lot of unsure, a lot of questions, a lot of insecure feelings in my heart. I doesn't like the feeling of floating in the sky, I prefer to stand on the land. I feel safe to feel the land with my legs. I wish can find my place in somewhere. A place that welcome my attend, believe on my ability, and provide me the space to explore more. Somehow, I still not firm with my future. Thanks to my ex-supervisor's Michelle listened to my problems and gave some advices. I really felt great to receive her msg and told me that I'm one of strong girl, she have faith with me & believe I can make it if I want to. Her compliment really means to me, after I invested a lot of my times and efforts last time just to overcome my obstacles during my internship in an multinational ads agency. Michelle was always strict to me and paid high expectation to me not just as a trainee. And I always compare myself with her and kept pushing myself which made me even stressful to myself that time. But I really felt proud to myself in a minute & worth for it. I learn more within 3 and a half months of my internship compare to 3yrs of my university life. What I had learn is not about theory but attitude and the way to deal with people and my job. You will never know how stressful to survive in a multinational ads agency. Everyone just as a robot with a durable battery. Office almost become their 2nd home. Stress is their spirit sustenance. You are never know how many sleepless nights and efforts they are putting just for few pages of advertisement, few seconds of TV and radio Commercial that read by readers within a second. I always admire them!

Anyway, this is just part of story about my internship life but what for next? Even though already decided to start my job hunting in my own country but somehow a voice in my mind keep telling me that "You should try more before really gave up. maybe u shall slow down a bit of your position and start from zero in another country. nothing is easy right? In there, you have no need to face the jam everyday and transport problem. And you can maintain your current relationship and learn be independent. In addiction, you always feel safe at there with their security. No need to worry someone rob your handbag, no need to worry someone following you in dark... " But somehow, I really a bit tired to keep traveling between 2 countries and face with the same results. Especially when all the situation is not advance to me but for their own citizen. And I dun want to rely another one in financial for my life expenses everyday. Life is reality, don't you? And I will feel disappointed to myself when heard someone already got the offer with AE post in Malaysia. Even them also can made it, why I couldn't? "Sure you can my dear, you just need back to your own county, then you can!" my minds telling again... for your failure, you can find thousand of excuses, but for success only one, work harder! I get myself too much of excuses for my failure. why not just admit, I just not good enough! become ostrich again..back to my safe place. Coward!

Yes, my mind is floating like this way! I have to make up one mind! at least.... but how?? Messy now in my mind... can't sleep well... keep thinking... like hell!

惊喜

前几天，当我还穿着套装、化了个淡妆、弄着我那头卷发在为应征做准备的当儿，我那头狮子就跑来筹热闹的说：“看来，准备得差不多了，套装很对味，妆也上了，头也弄得差不多了，但总觉得少了些什么? 就是不太对。。”“是吗？”我说。但总觉得自己都准备得七七八八了，还有什么少的吗？只差香水没上之外。。。这时，他拿出了个盒子打了开来。。发现里面躺着的，是个女装表。他说：“这样，就完整了。守时，是身为员工的基本需求。有它在，你的应征会很顺利的。”没错，他送我的情人节礼物是我一直欠缺的手表， 自从那个跟了我七年的手表坏了以后，我一直都不舍得花点小钱补上。现在，工还不知道是否见得成， 但却赚了只表和一份心意。而这份心意让我动容。谢谢你~还有我们的第一个情人节。虽然因为过年的关系没法庆祝，但你的用心，我看得见。我想，这只表的真正价值并不在于它本身，而是在于你用心挑选和购买的过程。 还有，愿意花时间在我的事情上，这一点就非常难得可贵了不是吗？

~嘀嗒嘀嗒嘀嗒嘀嗒~

排队

买东西，要排队；
上厕所，要排队；
搭电车，要排队；
缴电费，要排队；
但，爱情，也要排队吗？
因为我先到，所以你该是属于我的？
因为你先到，因此我该是选择你的？　
那“第三者”“劈腿”“移情别恋”算是什么？
面对着那拨动你心弦的后来者，有多少个人会拒绝说：
“对不起，你真得很好很优秀，只是，他比你先到。”？　
那曾经何时，自以为深爱着对方的自己，
对两人的未来抱着满满憧憬的自己，
不停地在幻想着两人未来的自己，
在对方耳边轻述爱意的自己，
却因那迟来的后来者，而粉碎了呢？
何时，后来者，竟然迎头赶上了前者？
何时，后来者，竟然被宣称是最适合你的人？
原来爱的深浅，跟时间的长短，永远都不可能成为正比。
还有谁会相信，还有谁会遵守“先到先得”的论理？
在爱情里，你还会循规蹈矩的排队吗？
那，你可能永远都没有上场的机会，
因为，一直都有人在插队,
为自己做争取。　

夜色

夜色，带点神秘，带点诱惑，带点清晰，带点寂寞，

它混合了种种不同的情感，不同的面貌，不同的色彩，

它，真的好漂亮，

多久，没停下我们的步伐，

好好地去欣赏周边的幸福？

那随手可得的幸福。

那简单的幸福。

多久，被种种的欲望蒙蔽了双眼，

没好好地去欣赏那耀眼的美？

让人迷惑的美，让人醉入的美。

没有华丽的衣裳，没有金碧辉煌的宫殿，

只有让你入迷的辽阔。

夜里，你睡了吗？

夜色，还未入睡。

就像是个不夜城，期待你去发掘它的魅力。

发现它的秘密。

那沉静许久的秘密。

一呼一吸间，感受到它的生命。

思绪，暂时冷冻了。

烦恼，暂时出走了。

美丽的夜色不该掺杂太多的杂念。

它，有权利得到全心全意的关注。

今夜，我没睡，

我爱夜的魅惑，

我爱夜的冷酷，

我爱夜的美，

纵然它从来都没有白天般的温柔体贴，

我却独爱她不屑做作温柔的冷艳。

凝视着为我绽放色彩的夜空,

黑夜啊，
恳请妳，
用妳的冰冷拥抱我的体温。
冷热交错相拥，
那一瞬间，
让我，
让一切蒸发，
然后，
融入夜，
妳的冰冷怀抱里。

Call me Ms.Abit

Photoshop, I know a bit.
Illustrator, I know a bit.
Dreamweaver, I know a bit.
Indesign, I know a bit.
Flash, I know a bit.
QuarkXpress, I know a bit.

So, call me "Ms. Abit" please..

will you still employ me as your company's graphic designer?? WILL U?

ps: That's the KARMA without work hard & seriously during school times. KARMA for short cut learner and "hardworking" student.

1st step always Influence on your future

15mins ago, I was just sent another resume attached with 5 of my portfolio to apply for graphic designer position. And they replied me and asked "Sylvene, are you interested in account servicing executive position?" I should admit that this is not the 1st time I faced with this situation. When applied for Position A, they offered me position B, when I applied C, they offered me with position D. Don't be misunderstood! I'm complaint with the positions they were offered. And I'm not surprise at all with this situation and I can really understand why. Just because my employment history were all based on position B & D, not A & C. Account servicing executive(clients dealing) & business development (sales) is what i did before, not graphic design or copywriter even editor. But everything is come from Zero, you will never know how far you can go without try on new areas or position. No surprise, most of companies not prefer with fresh graduated without experiences in particular areas. Since this is a tough & troublesome task to teach and guide. why not just make life easier and employ someone already comes with experiences?

Thus, I really believe for what my uni adviser told us last time. She advised us that don't treat your internship or even your 1st job as a temporary job so that can simply taken it before get your ideal job. Most of time, your 1st step always influence your future road. I didn't thought much last time when made decision on the area that I wanna focus. Because I not so sure what I really want even now. Thus, I just taken for what people given to me on the spot. I chosen as business development executive because the opportunity already in front of me last time without fight(my best friend is manager inside), meanwhile its can help me to earn more to pay my study bills. and of course you need to work harder to close the sales each month. Then, after that I work as account servicing because my internship company they don't have any graphic design position for short term. So.. i just take it since it's just for 4 months. Even though I really wish to learn on something new in design that time. then, I also worked before in OCBC HQ as HR assistant during my semester break because one of my friend's working in recruitment agency and she need someone who are FREE to fill up her client's position... etc. of course all my employment history were not related to design! Afterward, my way is apparently being decided.

However, for a fresh graduate as me, everything is something new and have to learn from basic. no matter is graphic position or client dealing. once I taken, I will try best to make it done. actually I not really mind with the position as long as still related to my course. work for agency or corporate for marketing. An advice to my Junior who still can't figure out with what they want OR already know what they really want. Please think of it properly before make any decision. It's your future!

I ain't a graphic design student

Hi~ I ain't a graphic design student But I do love to play with design sometimes. Here's what i had did within this 2 days. Not advance and pro enough but I try to explore more. No harm to try right? =]

This one i name it as "Convergence of BLUE."
I love Mesh tool because its help to make a NICE background color.

This one is "wavy strips."
plays with n"envelope Distort", "Direct selected tool", "Rotate tool" & "Scale tool" to make the flowing curves.

And this is "Ocean BLUE".
Just play with blending. Very easy & simple.

糖果

糖果，

总是有甜甜的外表，七彩缤纷的可人，美美的包装，
但，我从小就不爱碰它，
因为不知道，在那亮丽的外表下，
到底是什么味道？
是否依然如外表般，甜美可口的？
还是，恰好相反？
因为没尝过，所以从来都不知道答案。
没有把它放进自己口里的那份勇气，
因为害怕，外表给的假象期骗了自己。
其实，它是苦的，辣的，有药味的，难吭的。
从小对糖果如此，
那对生活呢？
是否该给予自己多一点的尝试和勇气？
就算被亮丽的外表给骗了，
但至少，
我有了答案不是吗？
明天，依旧是晴天的。
我深信=]

你的爱情。我在对面。

两个本来就没可能只是好朋友的人，

反而没在一起，这才是刻意的错过。

“叶子的离开，是风的追求，还是树的不挽留？”
当我看到这一段话的时候，我只奇怪：
为什么他们都不问问叶子的选择呢？
就连叶子自己也是。

或许。。。叶子本身并不想飞，
只是他被风吹走了。

Spring Cleaning

Spent whole day to shift my furniture positions and clean out all the dust & rubbish! Now, my room is clean & tidy! How great! Love my small private space!! How could I leave it alone & stay in another place?

收获。愿望

~今天的收获~

新年新希望，
今年的第一个愿望，
希望，
顺利地找到一份好工作！
众人所望的！